By Brandon Matthews
Can you remember the stress and anxiety that going back to school could bring? As parents, we still experience that, only in a different way. I had the privilege of speaking with Becca Poe who served as a school counselor for over a decade before offering services through own her company, A Confident Hope. Becca shared her insights on how we can better serve our students as we begin a brand new school year.
What role do you think parents and guardians play in supporting their child’s emotional well-being as they return to school and how can they help?
Becca Poe: “These roles can be absolutely pivotal. An image that comes to mind is the middle school open house where the student and parent stand together to conquer the great adversary: THE LOCKER. They start strong. Child: Confident. Parent: Proud. “Wasn’t Pre-K just yesterday?!” Yet, somewhere between the photo opp and the 17th time of counter-clockwise not meaning anything to anyone, the wheels start falling off. All of the child’s worst fears and doubts are now confirmed by this tangible display of failure. Both parties are red-faced and snippy as the reality sinks in that this is just the beginning. Our kids need to know that they can do hard things, but guess what, it’s hard to do hard things! And it’s even harder to watch your kid struggle through hard things. The best way you can support your child’s emotional well-being is to support yours first. Our little empaths are sponges and they’re experts on the grown-ups in their lives. They are masters of every inflection, every furrow, and every sigh. If you’re worried, they’re worried. If you’re cool, calm, and collected, they know that they will be, too. Even if they don’t feel it yet. If you find yourself in a panic or anxious about your child’s school experience, talk to someone who can help you flesh that out. It may be a tangible concern that can be quickly addressed, or it could be your own anxieties that are creeping up from your own experiences. It’s worth it to make time and space to know exactly where those fears are coming from.”
For students who might be anxious about the new school year, what do you suggest to help them manage their stress and build confidence?
“Connection, connection, connection. Can academic struggles play a role in this? Sure. But I’d bet that if a kid knew that he could fail math and still be completely loved and accepted by adults and peers alike, the math would be a lot less scary. Think about the connection implications for a child who is anxious about school. They are leaving established relationships, norms, and comforts of home and replacing them with everything new: teacher(s), peers, and social structures. Not to mention a brand-new schedule with very little margin that no one is even quite adjusted to yet! It’s not hard to empathize with the struggle here.”
What can parents do to help?
“Add expected connection points where you can. Be creative with it! Have you ever heard of “window time?” I heard it from a college student reminiscing about her own childhood. Her mom would carve out 10 minutes of one-on-one time before bed—nightly. It was her “window of opportunity” to connect, hear a hard thing, or even answer an embarrassing question. It was a constant when everything else felt unpredictable. I’ve also seen this done as a shared journal that’s written in daily. It might not look like anything more than a collection of scribbles, but it’s a tangible offering of connection. As kids get older, they desperately desire to find “their people.” This can be a gut punch to kids who are struggling to connect socially. As much as it’s possible, facilitate connections and accept their people like your own. Lead with curiosity, not judgment. Embrace the school events, host the playdate, see if a carpool can work, even if just one day a week. Local churches, teams, and service clubs allow for kids to build real connections sharing common experiences and working toward shared goals!”
Thank you to Becca Poe for sharing with us. You can connect with her at confidenthope.cc.
Connect with us at For Tomorrow at alabasterfortomorrow.com Have an incredible back to school season!
Brandon Matthews is the For Tomorrow Program Director.